


Ghosts

by Aubrie1234



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Child Abuse, F/F, Friendship, Gay Billy Hargrove, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations (not really), Homophobic Language, M/M, Major Character Injury, Period-Typical Homophobia, Porn With Plot, Secret Relationship, Slowly things get better, Suicidal Thoughts, just from Neil though, learning acceptance, mostly plot, not a lot of porn though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:01:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27903388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aubrie1234/pseuds/Aubrie1234
Summary: Billy almost didn't want to believe there was a ghost in these walls. Of course Steve wouldn’t have moved on. He cared too much for his own good.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was not supposed to be the monster it became, I swear. It just got bigger and bigger and bigger. But here it is. Thanks to Kuma on the server for being my beta. Here are some notes:
> 
> The excerpt about Saint Christopher isn't mine. I took it from Doodsxd's fic Three, which had a good description of Saint Christopher. It is also a great time travel-ish fic, go read it.
> 
> The story is set December 1986-January 1987

It shouldn’t be real. Of all the things he had to lose, why did it have to be Steve? Why couldn’t he be given anything wonderful and _keep it_ for once in his life? And of all the things that could’ve taken Steve, it wasn’t the Upside Down or a monster. It was a fucking _car accident_. Billy growled and grabbed a rock, chucking it over the side of the quarry. He was alone with his thoughts, but he couldn’t stop thinking over the past few days with a mixture of anger, grief, and sadness. Only two days ago he’d been in Steve’s bed, and now everyone was planning for Steve’s funeral. He hated it. He hated the fact that it had been a hit-and-run even more. If Hopper ever found the guy that killed Steve, Billy wanted first crack at him.

After Starcourt, Billy had been sure that his life wouldn’t be the same, and in a way he turned out to be right. He was revived by the government, joined the gaggle of children at the center of the monster conspiracy, found a new family in those same children plus a few others, and Steve Harrington wouldn’t leave him alone. Billy had never expected Steve to come after him, after the shit he put Steve through in high school and the fight at the Byers’. Billy didn’t even want Steve around him, afraid his crush would show, but Steve was having none of it. Steve stayed with Billy and helped him recover, helped Billy get back to using his body again, and was there when Billy had nightmares. Steve just wanted to help him in any way he could. Billy found that adorably endearing and it meant so much to him that someone actually _cared_ about him. So, slowly, Billy came out to Steve, but not with his crush. Much to the blond’s surprise, the brunette took it in stride and even tried to give him advice on boys, revealing himself as bisexual. This gave Billy hope that he had a chance, but he knew not to hope for much or even anything at all. He’d been taught that. Steve became part of Billy’s life and even offered his house when Billy knew that staying at his own ‘home’ wasn’t really an option. When Billy went back to school, he always came home before Steve and would find little notes around the house praising him just for being who he was. Billy wouldn’t admit it, but he cried a little at the sheer _love_ he was getting from Steve. And eventually, he decided to share his crush this way, leaving a note on Steve’s bed in hopes that the brunette would understand. Needless to say, the night was filled with kisses and cuddles. But they never told anyone about their relationship. Maybe they should have.

His sigh spilled out of him, a ghostly mist from the cold December air. Christmas was in two weeks and now they would never get to celebrate it. It was supposed to be their first Christmas together, too. Billy felt tears sting his eyes and willed them away. He couldn’t cry, not now. He knew Steve would say otherwise, but Billy hated crying and the only time he wanted to cry right now was when he was at the funeral. He closed his eyes, imagining Steve sitting here beside him, on the hood of the Camaro. Like always.

 _“You should cry, get all of it out.”_ he would have said.

“And what if I don’t wanna cry, Stevie?”

_“It’s not healthy, Bill. Everyone needs to cry sometimes.”_

“Yeah, well, I’ve learned crying gets you nowhere.” Billy hadn’t meant to sound harsh, even if it was just his imagination. Steve still flinched.

_“Don’t you think I know that? I just don’t want you to be sad.”_

“Shoulda thought of that when you were in the hospital.” Billy hurt himself saying those words. He got off the hood, picked up another rock, and threw it. The splash came a few seconds later. When he sat on the hood again, Steve was gone. Maybe he was in the back of the car, remembering when they made their promise here. Billy could remember it so clearly and he didn’t need to close his eyes to go back…

* * *

_“Harder!” Billy moaned._

_“Like it rough, huh?” Steve grunted. Billy pushed back against him in response, letting out a small whine. This was not their first bout of sex, nor was it the first time either of them had sex in a car. It was the first time they were doing it in the Camaro though, but they were out at the quarry, nobody would see them._

_“Like it with you.” Billy panted. He moaned loudly when Steve rammed that bundle of nerves in him again. He also only liked bottoming with Steve, but he wasn’t about to admit that any time soon. Steve seemed to know it, though. The brunette’s hand on his hip tightened, one of the signs Steve was getting close. The other one on Billy’s shoulder kept them steady as the car rocked to their movements._

_“Steve, I- I’m gonna-” Billy choked off as his orgasm came, white spreading across the backseat. He almost let himself fall if it wasn’t for Steve’s grip on him. Even as he came down off his high he grinded back against Steve, wanting to get the other off as well. Billy’s only warning was Steve’s sharp keen and then he could feel himself being filled up. Billy shivered. It always felt good to get Steve to fill him up. He continued to stay on all fours as Steve pulled out and slumped against him._

_“Want me to lay down, Princess?” Billy asked, breathless. He felt Steve’s nod. Slowly, carefully, he lowered himself to laying down, ignoring the spunk that still wet the seat. Steve’s hands moved positions and adjusted them so Billy was now facing the back of the seats and Steve was on the edge. The brunette moved to clean them off with one of their discarded shirts and then Steve’s arms wrapped around him. Billy smiled._

_“Forever?” Steve’s whisper held a lot in it, even if it was just one word. Billy could only guess at what Steve was asking, but he had a pretty good idea._

_“Yeah, Steve. Forever.” Billy drifted off to sleep after that. It was a summer night and though Hawkins got cold sometimes, most nights were warm enough to not worry about freezing. It was only when he felt Steve shift that he woke up again. And judging by the lack of light in the windows, it wasn’t morning yet. Steve shifted again. Billy yawned. He searched around to grab Steve’s hand, which was resting over his heart._

_“Hey.” Billy squeezed his hand, “Something on your mind?”_

_“Just thinking.” Steve murmured._

_“‘Bout what?”_

_“It’s nothing.” Steve burrowed his face into Billy’s back. The blond frowned._

_“It’s not_ nothing _, Princess. You can tell me.”_

_“Just...” Steve let out a breath, “It’s about Nancy.”_

_“Wheeler? Well, I don’t know about you, but she’s not here right now.”_

_“I_ know _that, dumbass.” Steve said, “I was thinking about the Halloween Party, when she dumped me.” Billy tightened his grip on Steve’s hand._

_“Yeah?” he asked, keeping his voice down._

_“When we were in the bathroom, me and her, she called us bullshit. She said she didn’t love me anymore. And I know it’s stupid, but I don’t wanna have the same thing with you, Billy. I don’t want forever to become bullshit. Y’know what I mean?”_

_“Sure I do.” Billy relaxed, “Forever’s not bullshit to me either, Steve. You know how much this means to me already. There’s no way I’m gonna walk away from this.”_

_“Good.” Billy could feel Steve smile into his back, “‘Cause I don’t wanna lose you. Let’s prove that forever’s not bullshit.”_

_“Gotcha.”_

* * *

Body shaking as he pulled himself out of the memory, Billy went to get another rock. He gripped it tight and watched as one of the points dug into his palm, drawing blood. He watched as the blood dripped sluggishly from this hand. Steve would’ve freaked and tried to get it clean and tidied up. He’d want to make sure Billy was okay. Billy gripped the rock harder. The pain was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. He threw the rock as far as he could and watched as it splashed into the water below. He snarled.

“Forever _is_ bullshit.” Billy said.

* * *

The Harringtons were terrible people, Billy decided. Steve wasn’t part of them, not since they practically abandoned him to his own devices. Steve had told him everything and while it wasn’t as bad as Billy’s own situation, he was sure the Harringtons were only here for sympathy. He knew how Steve could put on a fake face, and it was clear he had learned the technique from his parents.

“Steven was such a wonderful young man.” spoke Mr. Harrington, solemn, “He was looking forward to working with me and making his mark on the company. Sadly, he was taken too soon.”

 _Lies, lies, lies._ Billy thought, _He hated you. He wanted to move to California with me. He hated working at a dead-end job even before he found out he couldn’t get into college._ Billy subtly moved out of the room. He couldn’t stomach the eulogies the Harringtons were giving about their son, who they didn’t know at all. Billy knew Steve, and he knew Steve would have loved to see his parents paying attention to him for once, but not like this. He was disgusted with their fake sympathy and wanted the funeral to be over. He had his own eulogy to make, but it was going to be in private. The paper with his words rested heavily in his jacket pocket, the suit borrowed from the Byers (because they had two and Billy couldn’t borrow one from the Harringtons or his own family). Billy was surprised to find Jonathan also outside the eulogy hall, leaning against the wall.

“Not your thing?” Billy asked, voice low. Jonathan shook his head.

“It’s not that. I don’t feel like I belong.” Jonathan nodded to the room behind them, “Everyone else knew Steve better than I did, ‘cept maybe Mom and Hopper.” He frowned, “And there’s something about his parents that just doesn’t sit right with me.”

“Good feeling.” Billy itched to pull out a cigarette but refused to. Steve had tried to get him to quit once. It didn’t last long but now Billy was trying to make that a promise, “They’re assholes.”

“How would you know?” Jon asked.

“Steve and I were friends.” Billy said, “You should know that, Byers. And he told me he didn’t get along with his folks since they were never home.” Jonathan gave a slow nod.

“That sucks.” They stood together in silence. Billy wanted to say, _We were more than friends,_ but he couldn’t trust Jonathan. He was going to die with that secret locked behind his lips. He didn’t mind it. Billy went back in when he heard Henderson going up to the podium and could only imagine how the kid felt. Henderson- ( _“Dustin!”_ Steve would’ve corrected) -Dustin had always been close to Steve. Not like Billy, but close enough Steve talked about him like a brother. Billy knew Dustin was just as devastated by this as he was. And maybe he felt like he had a duty to Steve to do something about it, like getting close to Dustin, but that was a far-off dream at the moment.

“It was only two years ago that Steve and I became friends.” The boy began, “I didn’t really know him until then. We just kinda met through Nancy and we weren’t friends, not until he protected me. I think that’s what made me start seeing him as a person instead of just ignoring him, because he risked his life to save me. I wasn’t the only one who he saved, either, but… There was just something about him that made me wanna be friends with him and not let it pass by. Before we met, he was a jerk. Not gonna lie, he wasn’t a good person. But after he met Nancy, he changed. It sounds stupid, but I’m pretty sure it was like ‘love at first sight’ for him. He loved her so much he changed himself to make her happy. He became a good person and he stayed that way, even after they stopped dating. Nancy helped him change for the better and so did all of the new friends he made, including me. I know I didn’t come in until late in his life, but he was like the brother I never had. My dad left when I was young and it’s only ever been me and my mom. Have you ever felt jealous of someone because they’ve got siblings to talk to and joke around with and you have none? That’s how it felt for me. My best friends, most of them have siblings, and I couldn’t help but feel jealous sometimes. But then, when Steve protected me, it was like I had my own big brother looking out for me. So I started talking with him and we became friends. He started driving me to school, taking me and my friends to the arcade, and he was the only person who stuck by me after I came back from Camp Know Where. All my other friends I know had their own summer to live, but Steve was the only one who stayed there and listened to me talk about it. Sure, he didn’t believe me when I said I had a girlfriend, but that’s what a big brother’s supposed to do, right? He’s supposed to tease you, have fun with you, make jokes with you. And now I’m never gonna have that again.” Dustin sniffed, “I’m gonna miss him for sure, but he loved people and loved to protect them. He probably thought it was better that he was hit instead of me or someone else. Steve was awesome like that. And I just hope he’s doing well, wherever he might be now.” Dustin left the podium in silence. Billy hated the fact that it made him feel incredibly sad, but he knew that the kid had loved Steve so much. This was proof of that.

Billy watched Dustin walk away and his friends put their arms around him, accepted him back into their little huddle, then they walked out together. Billy didn’t know why but there was something about that that tugged at his heart. Steve wouldn’t be around to chauffeur or protect these brats, so someone would have to step up to the plate. It would just be his luck that he’d have to fill that space himself. Billy was no replacement for Steve but he knew Steve would be devastated if any of his kids got hurt. Billy sighed. He followed them out. He found them outside the building, as far away as they could be without actually leaving. The five of them were in different states of grief. He knew consoling them was pointless.

“Need a ride home?” he asked. They shook their heads. Billy shifted on his feet. He didn’t want to offer his services but Steve would’ve had his hide if he didn’t. Billy sighed again, “If you need anything, you can ask me.” He left them alone, heading back inside. He listened to the rest of the eulogies. He hated most of them. It wasn’t long after that the room cleared. Billy moved to the casket, opening it when he got close enough. He winced when he saw Steve’s face. No mortician could cover up that many tiny holes. Hopper had said that Steve likely wouldn’t have been able to see again if he survived, so much glass had shot into his face and eyes. Billy could see the proof of that on Steve’s face. That wasn’t even mentioning the broken neck that only made his suffering worse, as brief as it was. Billy still put a hand on Steve’s face, felt the cold, clammy skin under his fingers. A tear slipped down his cheek.

“Such an asshole, baby.” Billy murmured, “Always wanting others safe before yourself.” He urged to kiss Steve but resisted. There was no point, as much as he wanted to do it. He pulled away to take out his eulogy. It was only a single piece of paper and there wasn’t much on it, but Billy had never been that good with words. He loved reading, of course, but feelings weren’t his strong point. That was always Steve. Billy sniffed.

“You’ve got me crying before I can read this. Damnit Steve.” Billy wiped his eyes and cleared his throat, “You and I, under any other circumstances, shouldn’t be together. I’m an asshole and you’re too good for anyone. But somehow, you stuck by me and we fell in love. We made things work, somehow. You forgave me when you shouldn’t have and I couldn’t stay away from you. You showed me that Hawkins was less shitty than I thought it was, I promised you California. I promised to get us both out of here, you showed me the stars I used to see only at the beach, away from all the light pollution. When I was fucked up because of the Mind Flayer, you still helped me. You offered everything to me to give me a second chance and you stole my heart, too. You stole it long before then, after I beat you halfway to death. I’m still sorry about that.” Billy moved a hand to touch the scar on Steve’s hairline, “You wear your heart on your sleeve like an idiot and it’s always getting broken. Wheeler- _Nancy_ hurt you, but you became her friend. I hurt you, and you made me fall in love instead. You made me yours the second I saw you in that parking lot, first day of school, even if I didn’t know it yet. You showed me that it’s not bad to be different, showed me that it’s not disgusting to like boys instead of girls. You were a fucking blessing, not just for me, but for all your friends, too. You were the overprotective mother bear for those dipshits and you loved them like they were your own kids. I’m glad you didn’t let me hurt them. I was angry that night and I took it out on you. And while it took me a while to apologize, I was really sorry for what I’d done when I finally got my head screwed on right. And you forgave me because you understood I didn’t mean it. You know better than anyone that Neil isn’t the best guy to live with. I only wanted Max to be safe and her being with Sinclair- _Lucas_ would’ve put her in danger. They’re more careful now but it doesn’t make me stop worrying. You make things better, though, you always did. You listened to me, talked me down, and you would’ve taken a bullet for those kids if I had a gun instead of a plate. Sure, you tried to play it off as the right thing to do, but I’ve seen how those nerds look at you. You weren’t just their babysitter, you were their friend. And to- to _Dustin_ , you were his big brother. You were the knight in shining armor for those kids and you continued to be all the way.

“I know you wanted to show the brats that we’re together. I don’t know if I can do that now, but one day, I will. Just for you, I’ll show them us. And then I’ll help Little Byers and Little Wheeler- no, _Will_ and _Mike_ because we both saw how obvious it is with them.” Billy choked out a laugh, “God, they’re such idiots. Just like we were, huh? It took me almost dying for us to finally spit out how we felt. You held me in your arms, sobbing your heart out and begging for me not to go. You didn’t say it, but I knew it was because you loved me and I loved you too. But we still fucked up and didn’t get together until after Christmas because we’re dumbasses and have it just as bad as those boys.” Billy lowered his eyes, “I was afraid to love because it’s always been torn away from me. You wanted to love everything because no one loved you. We fit together like puzzle pieces with edges that didn’t quite fit, but we made it work. And I’m so happy that I got to spend all that time with you, Pretty Boy. I’m sorry for all the shit I pulled, trying to get you to notice me, and it all pushed you away instead. But we still got together, we still loved each other, and I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.” Billy drug his hand through Steve’s soft hair, “I love you, Steve Harrington.” Billy closed the casket, Steve’s bright, uninjured, smiling face he had committed to memory overplaying the broken one he’d just covered. He left the building and didn’t look back.

* * *

“How was it?” Max asked after Billy shut the window. He’d stopped by the Byers’ first to return the suit and then sneaked back to see her. And Max hadn’t been allowed to go to the funeral, either, but she had enough sense to ask him for details.

“His parents were there.” Billy said, “Fuckers don’t even care ‘bout him and they had the _gall_ to show up.”

“And the others?”

“Your group was there. Dustin gave a speech. It was good.” Billy turned to her, “You should probably go see him later.”

“I know.” She swung her legs. He raised an eyebrow.

“Somethin’ else you wanted to ask?”

“Yeah, but not here. Could you drive me to Dustin’s?”

“...Sure.” Billy wondered what she was up to. He let her tell Susan that she was going to a friend’s house and they left. Max didn’t say anything the whole drive, fidgeting in her seat, and it made Billy anxious. When he pulled over in front of the Henderson house, Max didn’t get out. His grip tightened on the steering wheel.

“We’re here.”

“I know.”

“Then what’s the deal, shitbird?” Steve had tried to make him stop calling her that, but Billy and Max knew that it had evolved into a term of affection. Billy hoped his use of it would ease Max into asking whatever was on her mind. He didn’t want to get angry at her, not after all this. Max played with her hands for a moment, refusing to look at him, and then took a deep breath.

“I saw your eulogy.” Billy’s grip became white-knuckled, “I didn’t tell anyone, but I didn’t think…you and Steve were like _that_.”

“Me being ‘like that’ is what forced us out here in the first place.” Billy murmured. His heart was pounding in his chest and he wished he was wearing his sunglasses right now. He waited for her to turn on him like their father had, waited for the slurs to tumble out of her mouth and ruin the shaky relationship they’d built in the wake of Starcourt.

“You were the best thing to happen to him.” she said at last. Billy whipped his head around to stare at her. She kept looking out the windshield as she continued, “He didn’t say who it was, but he loved to talk about his partner. He said so many great things about you and smiled so wide. I thought it might’ve been you.” He swallowed into the silence, “You made him so happy, Billy. I don’t care who you like or anything, but you miss him just as much, right?”

“...’Course I do.” Billy’s response was almost a whisper, “I loved him so much.” He glanced down when Max took his hand. She was looking at him.

“Wanna tell me about him later?” Max asked, “It’s not healthy to keep all that in.”

“Later.” Billy promised. His lips twitched into a smile, “Thanks, shitbird. Just don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t.” She squeezed his hand, “Promise.”

* * *

When Max entered the room, the boys were already arguing. She knew they would be, because Dustin’s harebrained idea made no sense. They knew Steve was dead, they’d seen his body at the funeral, but it seemed he still refused to let go without some kind of strong confirmation. Which led to now. Max ignored Dustin, Mike, and Lucas fighting and moved to sit with Jane and Will. Jane was twisting a red bandana in her hands, Will’s hand on her wrist.

“You okay?” Max asked, taking her other side. Jane nodded.

“You sure you wanna do this?” Will asked.

“Steve…was a friend. Dustin wants to be sure.” Jane looked up at both of them, “I can do that.”

“And if Steve’s really dead?” Max wondered, “What then?”

“Whatever happens, we’ll make the best of it.” Will said. Max didn’t know if she could believe that. She contemplated if she should’ve told Billy what they were doing. Billy had learned more of Jane and her powers after Starcourt, knew what she could do. He probably would’ve shot this down. But Dustin wasn’t going to let go without a fight. Dustin wanted to make sure that Steve was dead, that this wasn’t like what happened with Will. And as heartbreaking as it was, Max knew that Jane wouldn’t deny helping Dustin. She just wondered what they’d find.

* * *

Jane knew Steve’s face well enough to not need a picture. She hadn’t been around him much after they closed the Gate the first time, but as he began driving the kids around town and to the arcade, she got to know him more, and she learned that he wasn’t the happy person everyone thought he was. He had issues with his Papa, too, and his Mama. Just like she did. And while it hurt to lose him, Jane knew that there was nothing to be done. Steve was gone and she hated it. Maybe that was why she agreed to help Dustin. Steve was like her, and if there was the smallest chance Steve was alive, they wanted to make sure of it. Just like with Will.

Jane started out in darkness with no immediate direction to go in. She listened and she looked, but there was nothing to see. Except- There. A small area was over to the side, far from her, but there was a person there. She turned and began running closer. But it wasn’t Steve, it was Billy. She could see him pacing and she frowned. She was looking for Steve, not Billy. He was the first person she came across, however, and was close to Steve. So maybe she’d been brought here for a reason? When given a task, her powers hadn’t failed her yet, even when they took hours to search for someone or something. As she watched, Jane noticed something hanging around Billy. It was almost invisible, but there was something there, a presence that she couldn’t place. It was likely Billy didn’t see it either. Afraid it might be something from the Upside Down trying to get to Billy again, Jane watched further. She was astonished when, for a few brief seconds, it suddenly flickered into clarity and she could see… “Steve?”

“Wait, you see him?!” came Dustin’s echoey exclamation. But then Steve twisted out of sight again, like a TV going channel-hopping. His presence still hung around Billy like a cloud as the blond paced, and sometimes he would flicker into sight again for the briefest of moments only to disappear back into being invisible. Jane frowned deeper.

“He’s there.” she murmured, confused, “But also…not there?”

“What do you mean?” asked Lucas.

“He’s not visible.” she said, “He’s there for a few seconds then disappears. Like a TV.” She watched a little longer and when Billy moved to leave the area, Steve followed him. Movement made Steve flicker more, become clearer, and then she felt a chill go down her spine right before he looked at her. She gasped and tugged off her blindfold.

“El!” Mike was by her side, “What happened? Are you okay?” Jane nodded. That last glimpse had spooked her.

“He looked at me, like he could see me.” she said, “But…”

“‘But?’” asked Dustin.

“He…had no eyes.”

* * *

He couldn’t stay here. His room was too confining at the moment. He prowled out, heading downstairs and hoping to get everything out of his head. He wanted Steve, but Steve was dead. He couldn’t go anywhere, but he needed to. Billy was glad Steve’s parents weren’t here. They wouldn’t stay in town for the funeral. And that’s not even mentioning what they would’ve thought of Steve sharing the house with ‘trash’ like him. He moved around the ground floor, trying to keep his mind off what he wanted, only to end up at the bottom of the stairs. He couldn’t, he shouldn’t, but he started climbing them anyway. He squeezed his eyes closed even as his body guided him to the place he didn’t want to be. He knew this house like the back of his hand and he didn’t trip. Billy moved to the door to Steve’s room and kept his eyes closed as he opened it. He didn’t want to see anything that would make his chest constrict, but he couldn’t move. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

He wasn’t there. He wasn’t there. _He was there_. It couldn’t be him but he was there. Billy’s breath caught.

“Steve?” The other flashed him a smile and gestured for him to come closer.

 _“Hey, Billy.”_ He wasn’t there. _He was there_. Billy moved to the bed. Steve pat the seat beside him. Billy followed without question. Steve leaned forward to kiss his lips. He couldn’t feel anything. He was numb. He knew this was fake but he still wanted Steve so badly. Billy tightened a hand into a fist.

“I love you.”

 _“I love you too.”_ Steve murmured against his lips, _“You wanna do something fun?”_

“Anything.”

_“Then I’d like to see you get fucked.”_

“Sure, Pretty Boy.” Billy’s hand moved down to Steve’s waist, only for Steve to pull Billy’s hand away.

 _“No, baby. You’re going to finger yourself and jerk off for me. Okay? I wanna see you wreck yourself.”_ Steve’s smile was so beautiful and filthy at the same time. Billy’s cock kicked in his jeans. He wasn’t there. _He was there_.

“O-okay.” It suddenly felt like the room dropped ten degrees. Billy shivered. Steve didn’t move. He kept staring at Billy lovingly. The blond made to remove his clothes. He had to get up to grab the lube from Steve’s nightstand, always in the drawer where it usually was, and then he was sitting beside Steve again.

 _“Go ahead.”_ The brunette put a hand on Billy’s leg. Billy couldn’t feel it but he followed orders. He leaned back, using the lube to finger himself first. He knew for a fact that he’d never be able to reach that one spot inside, not like Steve, but Steve wanted him to do this. Even if this was all fake. Billy groaned when he got the first finger in. Steve smiled wider.

 _“That’s it, Billy. Keep going.”_ Steve stroked Billy’s thigh. He wouldn’t have known if he hadn’t already been staring at Steve. He inserted another finger and muffled a whimper. Usually he wouldn’t silence himself but this felt so private somehow. He then grabbed his cock, thumbing the tip as it leaked precum. Steve’s lashes fluttered beautifully. He wasn’t there. _He was there_.

 _“Give me a show.”_ And Billy did. He stroked and fingered himself while staring at Steve’s heated look and it made him fall apart. He was whining by the time he could add in a third finger and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer. Once upon a time, Steve would ask him to stop here and they’d finish together. But not anymore. Steve didn’t move and continued to watch, the look in his eyes blank but so full of love that Billy was sure he could’ve gotten an orgasm from that alone. He wasn’t there. _He was there_. **He wasn’t there**. **_He was there_**.

 _“Do it.”_ Steve commanded and Billy came. The sheets were covered in white and he was blinded from the ecstasy of it all. When he came down from his high, Steve was gone. Billy was alone with his own cum and plaid bedsheets. He ignored the shakiness of his legs to grab the tissue box on the nightstand. He cleaned himself up and tried to do the same for the sheets, only to stop when his vision was blocked with tears. Billy gripped the tissues and cried. _He missed Steve so much_.

* * *

Billy found himself sleeping in Steve’s bed more often than not, trying to chase the scent of his boyfriend before it vanished completely. He didn’t touch Steve’s clothes and the Harringtons had made no decision on what to do with Steve’s stuff. Billy didn’t even leave the room if he could help it. Steve would be sad if he could see Billy now. And the only visitor he’d gotten in the three days since the funeral was Max.

“You need to get out more.” she said when he answered the front door, “And we need to talk.”

“Later.” Billy whispered, having not wanted to leave the bed for fear that when he returned, Steve’s smell would be gone. Max shook her head.

“It’s important.”

“Can’t we do it tomorrow?” Billy glared at her. She seemed to take the hint and backed down.

“Tomorrow at 10?”

“Sure.” And he closed the door. He ignored the meeting for the rest of the day, slept with tears, and dressed only when it was five minutes ‘til 10. When he answered the door, the entire Party was standing there. In Mike’s hands was what looked to be a ouija board. Billy stared hard.

“What the hell is this all about?”

“We think Steve might still be alive!” announced Dustin. Billy flinched. He had no hope that that was true.

“Then why are you here? Shouldn’t you tell the adults?” He made to close the door.

“Jane saw him hanging around you.” Lucas said. Billy stopped. He opened the door wider.

“I haven’t seen him since before the accident. You’re sure you’re not just looking into the past?” His gaze flicked to the girl. He knew she’d been having trouble with her powers after Starcourt and had regained them. Was this something new?

“You were pacing in your room.” she said, “The calendar said December 18th.” Billy flinched again.

“That was a few days ago.” he murmured. He stepped aside to let them in. He watched them file into the living room and set down the board. He hadn’t noticed before but there were actually LED lights sticking out through the letters and responses. He closed the door and Mike plugged in the lights.

“And what’s that for? Communicating with Steve?”

“We hope so.” Will nodded, “When I was in the Upside Down, I couldn’t really talk to anyone. Mom figured out how to make a wall of letters and lights for me to talk to her. If Steve’s in the Upside Down, this should work the same way.” Billy stared at the ouija board. He found it hard to believe. He knew Steve was dead, so what were these brats getting at?

“Tell me more about what you saw.” he said.

“While you were pacing, there was this…presence around you.” said Jane, “It was Steve, I think. He would appear and then go away. And he had no eyes.”

“No eyes?” Billy repeated, “What do you mean he had no eyes?”

“There were no eyes. Just bloody sockets.” She seemed way too calm about this for Billy’s tastes. He looked at the others, who had finished setting up the board. Max already had paper and a pencil.

“What if he’s not here?” The blond pointed out.

“He is.” Max gave him a look, “I’m sure of it.” Billy opened his mouth to retort when the lights began to flicker. It immediately put everyone on edge. Billy snatched up a nearby vase and crowded near the kids, looking around for danger. They were his responsibility now. Neil always tried to pound that ‘ _respect and responsibility_ ’ motto into his head and now, Billy was forced to accept the responsibility thrust upon him in the wake of Steve’s death. Neil would be so fucking **proud**. Billy’s head whipped around as the lights continued to flicker, searching for the source. Then all the lights in the building went out. Some of the kids yelped. Billy shivered as the room entered a chill.

“Don’t tell me the heating’s on the fritz.” Mike complained.

“Shut up.” hissed Lucas, who had brought out his slingshot. Billy doubted that would do much against a demogorgon or whatever was around. Then, to their surprise, the modified ouija board began lighting up, one letter at a time and in repeated sequences. Max began scribbling down the letters. Billy almost couldn’t believe their harebrained idea had worked.

**I A-M H-E-R-E**

“Well, that tells us nothing.” Max quipped.

“Steve?!” Dustin called, “Is that you?!”

 **YES** The response lit up briefly. Billy felt his heart drop. If that was Steve, did that mean that he’d given up on his boyfriend?

“Don’t worry buddy, we’ll get you out!” Dustin said. However, Steve’s response wasn’t what they expected.

**NO U-P-S-I-D-E D-O-W-N**

“‘No Upside Down?’” Will muttered, “What does that mean? Steve?” Billy watched as the lights slowly flashed in one sequence.

**G-H-O-S-T**

“...Ghost? Are you a ghost now?” Billy asked, quiet.

 **YES** All that hope he’d built up from the kids came crashing down. Billy looked around but didn’t see anything. He wanted to get an answer, but before anything could be done, all the lights came back on. The chill was lifted. Billy crossed his arms, holding himself.

“A ghost?” Lucas asked, “Ghosts don’t exist, right?”

“But if Steve’s a ghost…” Dustin’s eyes welled up in tears.

“Hey hey hey, he might’ve gotten it wrong.” Mike said, trying to stop the flow before it started, “He might’ve pointed out the wrong letters.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Max said.

“Sorry.” Jane ducked her head.

“It’s not your fault.” Will comforted, “At least we know you can see ghosts now.”

“Get out.” They all looked up. Billy’s back was turned to them but his voice was full of venom.

“Billy-” Max tried.

“I said get out.” He pointed to the door. The Party didn’t argue. They packed up the ouija board and took it with them. Billy didn’t lock the door behind them. He moved back to the bedroom. Billy almost didn’t want to believe there was a ghost in these walls. Of course Steve wouldn’t have moved on. He cared too much for his own good. Billy smothered his face in the pillow and cried.

* * *

They couldn’t be sure Steve was a ghost. Yes, that may have been the response they got, but until someone actually _saw_ him, it would be hard to believe. And explaining it to the adults was out of the question. They wouldn’t understand. So the kids were left to figure this out on their own. It wasn’t the first crazy thing they’d seen over the past few years but it was still hard to believe. Jane knew they were only prolonging the inevitable but she wasn’t going to say anything. She had learned from Max that sometimes hard lessons have to be taught before someone actually learns it. And while Billy had made them leave, he hadn’t banned them from the house. So while he let them in and then stayed upstairs, the Party would try experiments to see Steve and figure out if him being a ghost was the truth. And if he was, that still meant he was dead and not coming back. But then why was he sticking around?

“A lot of times ghosts have ‘unfinished business’ to attend to.” Mike had explained, “Like, if they feel like they didn’t get to do something in their lives, they stick around to finish it. I think that’s what’s going on with Steve, maybe. Something’s unfinished and he can’t move on.” That sounded like the right thing. Jane knew little about ghosts, though, so it helped that they were digging through books about them. She felt bad that her costume had almost been a ghost some years ago but it couldn’t be helped. How would she have known this would’ve happened?

“What do you think is going on with Billy?” Will suddenly asked one day. They were curled up in the living room, messing with the ouija board again with ghost books strewn about. Not once since that first day had they gotten any response from Steve, but they continued to return to hopefully make some progress.

“What do you mean?” Jane asked.

“He lets us in and then leaves. I mean, I know losing Steve was hard but why?” Will rubbed his hands together, “Is it because we’re bringing him up again that Billy’s not wanting to be around us?”

“Probably.” Max agreed, “Losing Steve hit him pretty hard.”

“I don’t see how.” Mike huffed, “They became friends, sure, but you don’t see Nancy all broken up about this. She was the closest to Steve and she’s moved on.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes people _can’t_ move on.” Lucas pointed out, “My dad has some friends from ‘Nam that couldn’t get better when they came back. I know this is different, but maybe Billy can’t move on over this. Loss affects people differently.” They all looked over at Dustin at that. The usually bright teen had become closed off since the funeral and the possible fact that Steve was a ghost had dampened his spirits even more. Jane didn’t know if he would recover. She had never seen Dustin so depressed.

“Well, maybe if we actually _meet_ Steve we can help him and Billy talk. Maybe that’ll help Billy move on.” said Mike.

“Question is, how are we supposed to do that?” Will waved at the books, “All of these just give us info on ghosts and how to deal with them, _not_ how to summon one.”

“Isn’t there something in your DnD shit that can tell us, then? Because apparently Dungeons & Dragons applies to the real world.” Max said. The boys looked at one another.

“I’ll run back and grab the monster manual.” said Lucas. He grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. When he returned, they all took a look through it for specific ghost-like monsters. However, since many of them were evil in nature, none seemed to fit the description of the ghost they were dealing with. With heavy hearts, they realized it was getting late and had to return home. Jane watched as Dustin gathered up the books. He’d put it upon himself to check out the ones they thought they needed, but so far they were unable to find anything. The others began giving their goodbyes until it was her, Mike, and Dustin left. Mike would take her home before heading to his house and she knew he didn’t like to wait long, but she couldn’t just let Dustin leave so saddened.

“Dustin?” She picked up half the stack.

“Yeah?” he murmured.

“Are you okay?”

“Does it look like it?” Jane took his anger in stride.

“Steve is gone, but he’s still here.” She reached out to point into his chest. Max had taught her about it once, when Billy was still in the hospital. Jane liked to believe that what Max said was true, about those you love never really leaving you. Dustin took a step back.

“Maybe, maybe not.” he said, “I just… I hate the fact that I can’t spend time with him anymore. He’s gone, and for what? An idiot took him away from me and now I’m all alone again.”

“No, not alone.” Jane shook her head, “I don’t have anyone either.” Dustin paused.

“Yeah, you don’t. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. We could talk?”

“Yeah. That’d be nice. Do you wanna head home with me?” Jane nodded. Mike wouldn’t like this but she wasn’t dating him at the moment, so he had no right to say otherwise. She just had to make sure to call Hopper and tell him where she was. Dustin needed a good friend right now and she hoped that she could be that for him.

* * *

It was Christmas Eve when Billy had to open the door. He was about to shout at the kids to leave him alone today when he instead found Nancy standing on the doorstep.

“Hey.” She blinked, “Have you been crying?”

“What’s it to you, Wheeler?” Steve would’ve scolded him for not calling her Nancy but Billy didn’t care. Out of everyone in their new friend group, Nancy was the one he disliked the most. Sure, she and Steve were friends now, but she still broke his heart. Billy found that hard to forgive. Nancy shifted in place.

“I wanted to show you something. As a Christmas gift. But I need Steve’s car keys.”

“Uh huh.” Billy said. He continued to stand there and they waited in awkward silence.

“Billy, please.” Nancy began, “I don’t know why you don’t like me but I’m not doing this for you because of-” She let out a harsh breath, the air ghosting in front of her, “I’m not trying to make this about him. You’re my friend now. I’m only trying to do this because I’m your friend.” Billy looked at her. Friends? He didn’t think of her as a friend. At most they were acquaintances because of the Mind Flayer. Steve had tried making them into friends once. Billy felt his chest tighten.

“Give me a sec.” He went to get Steve’s keys. Steve hadn’t been driving his own car when the accident happened. Maybe that was part of the reason Steve was killed. It was still in the driveway, gathering dust alongside the Camaro. Billy found the keys in a bowl Steve kept in the hallway to the front door (where he kept all the different keys to the house, he’d told Billy once) and tossed them to Nancy. She plucked them out of the air and moved to Steve’s car, where she then opened the trunk. Billy followed and he stared as she lifted a baseball bat studded with nails. The nailed end was stained black and Billy had no doubt that had been the bat Steve had said saved his life. He had a very blurry memory of Max almost using it on him but this was the first time he’d seen it with clarity.

“Here.” Nancy held it out. Billy stared at it.

“What do you want me to do with this?”

“It was Steve’s. You need protection.”

“I can protect myself just fine, thank you.” Billy started backing away.

“And what about the kids?” Billy stopped. Nancy pressed on, “You’ve been moping, but you’ve also grown close to them. It’s because of Steve. You wanna keep them safe because it was Steve’s job and now you feel like it’s been passed onto you.”

“You don’t know anything, Wheeler.” Billy hissed.

“I know enough to see that I’ve hit the target.” Nancy lifted the bat, “Just take it, Billy. Do you want me to play my other card?”

“What other card?”

“That you taking this would make Steve happy.”

“Fine!” Billy snatched the bat. It was heavier than it looked, “Okay, I’ve taken the bat. Now leave me alone.” Nancy nodded. She said nothing else as she returned to her car and drove away. Billy went back inside and moved to the living room. The bat weighed him down. He couldn’t tell if it was a blessing or a chain binding him to the fact that he was unable to let Steve go. Maybe it was both. He stared at the nails, wrapping his hand around one. They were sturdy and covered in a dried substance, likely blood. Steve had the bat that night at the Byers’. If given more time or just the chance, would Steve have threatened him with this?

 _He should have._ Billy laid the bat down, _Would’ve saved us a lot of trouble and kept me away from you. Maybe it would've saved you. Maybe not. Wish it had._

* * *

_“Barb?”_

_“...Steve?”_

_“I- It’s been so long. I’m so_ sorry _.”_

_“I know. I don’t blame you.”_

_“You should.”_

_“It wasn’t your fault.”_

_“I know, but-”_

_“No, Steve. Don’t dwell on it. It only makes things worse.”_

_“...I guess you’re right. Why are you here?”_

_“I’m with Nancy. Are you with Billy?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“I didn’t know you swung that way.”_

_“I swing both ways. And now all that stuff about you makes a lot of sense. But if you’re here too, then we have each other. Right?”_

_“Yeah, we do.”_

* * *

Billy was invited to the Byers’ for New Years. Initially he refused to go until Max asked him to. He wouldn’t have gone if she hadn’t pointed out that he wasn’t the only one grieving Steve’s loss.

“It’s been less than a month. You may have been boyfriends but that doesn’t mean the rest of us didn’t care. Just give it a chance, Billy.” And so he followed her advice. Now he wished he hadn’t. Everyone was trying to make up for things that didn’t matter and were celebrating the new year of 1987. He didn’t fit in. He stayed on the porch as he smoked a cigarette, watching the end smolder in the cold. Hopper and Joyce would get onto him if he stayed out here too long but everything inside was too much. Dustin had cheered up somewhat, it seemed, but Billy was still in so much pain. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to fill Steve’s role if all he was going to do was grieve. Max was right. He needed to be out here, even if he didn’t feel like it. He sighed. The smoke mixed with his chilled breath and it became a thick white cloud. He hated the sudden cold that had surrounded him as soon as he left the warmth and safety of the house

 _“Hey.”_ Billy looked to the side.

“It’s you again.” He glared at the imaginary Steve beside him, “Stop bothering me already.”

 _“Am I really?”_ Steve’s smile hurt him. Billy turned away.

“I’m trying to move on.” he said, “Isn’t that a good thing?”

_“Yeah. How are the kids?”_

“They think you’re a ghost. Hilarious, right?”

 _“I wouldn’t say that.”_ Billy looked over in time to see Steve shrug, _“When I was little, I used to think my house was haunted.”_

“Really?” Billy raised an eyebrow.

 _“You know how big my house is. At night I’d hear sounds all the time. It didn’t help that I was always alone.”_ Steve looked at him, _“You know I hate being alone. It’s why I tried to get with so many people. I just wanted someone to care about me and not let me be alone. You’re the only one that stayed. Nancy tried, but you see how that turned out.”_

“Yeah.” Billy nodded, “But your point?”

_“Ghost stories aren’t just stories sometimes.”_

“What do you mean?” Billy asked. Steve met his eyes. They stared at each other. Billy noticed there were tear tracks on Steve’s face, long and dark, leading from his eyes to his jaw. They shouldn’t be so visible but the idea that Steve had been crying, as fake as he was, made the blond’s stomach churn. Billy frowned.

“Have you been crying?”

 _“A little.”_ Steve admitted. He blinked, _“You noticed?”_

“Of course I did. Why wouldn’t I?”

_“You didn’t notice before.”_

“Steve…” Billy stepped over to lay a hand on Steve’s cheek. He knew he’d feel nothing, but there was a sense of touching the ice cold air itself when his fingers curled around Steve’s cheek. Then Steve smiled and Billy dropped his hand like he’d grasped something burning hot. Hundreds of little cuts had suddenly appeared on Steve’s face and he was crying now, but those weren’t regular tears. They were tears of blood.

 _“Ghost stories aren’t just stories sometimes.”_ he repeated. He then leaned forward and gave a kiss to Billy. The blond felt nothing except the air growing colder over his lips and he closed his eyes out of reflex. But then the feeling was gone and he opened his eyes. Steve wasn’t there anymore. Billy rested a hand over his heart, feeling it thump wildly beneath.

“Billy?” He whipped around. Max was standing in the doorway, staring at him. There was a frown on her face as she said, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I… I think I just did.”

* * *

“I think another Gate might be open.” said Jane. This was _not_ how she wanted to start her day, but it wasn’t like she had a choice. Last night, there had been a sense that something was off, but she didn’t tell anyone. She waited until she got home from the party and Hopper had gone to sleep before she used her powers to figure it out. Her blood chilled when she saw demodogs in the darkness, stalking the woods, but they kept away from the Byers, so she was thankful for that. They had all died when the Gate was closed the first time, so it could only mean there was a new one open somewhere. As soon as she explained it that morning, Hopper was making calls to the others. The other kids were kept out of the loop to keep them safe and Hopper asked Nancy, Jonathan, Joyce, and even Billy to help join him in hunting the monsters. They all came along, as Will was already spending the day at Mike’s. Jane joined them and they went into the woods, hoping to strike first before the demodogs did.

Hopper and Nancy carried guns along with axes, just in case. Joyce had a pitchfork she’d found in her shed. Jonathan had a shovel. Billy carried Steve’s bat with uncertainty. It wasn’t his weapon and he knew it. Jane was still glad he brought it along, though. They split in teams of two to cover more ground and were to radio in as soon as they found something. Jane found herself walking with Billy. Hopper apparently trusted the blond enough to let her go with him. She looked up at her rescuer. He’d seen better days. She’d barely even seen him at all during the party last night. There were bags under his eyes and his tan was fading away, giving him a pale, haunted look. Jane brought her hand up to brush against the back of Billy’s, the one without the weapon. He glanced at her.

“How do you feel?”

“Like shit.” Billy grunted.

“You look like it.” That made him crack a smile.

“I guess.” Awkward silence tried to settle again.

“Have you been sleeping?” she asked.

“No.” She was glad he was being honest with her.

“Because you miss Steve?”

“That’s part of it.” Billy said. His breath fogged in front of him, “I think you guys were right.”

“Right? About what?”

“Him being a ghost. I think I saw him last night, at the party.” Jane looked at him. There was a wistful look in his eyes. Billy went on, “Lately, I’ve been having hallucinations.”

“Ha-loo-see-nay-shuns?”

“You’re seeing things that aren’t there.” he defined, “I’ve been seeing Steve all over the place, but last night… I’m almost certain I saw him for real, as a ghost. I guess it could’ve been another hallucination but I don’t think so.” Jane thought about it. She guessed that hallucinations were similar to Kali’s power. But if Billy was so sure he’d seen Steve, then he really might have.

“Did he say anything?”

“Sure he did.” Billy stared at the ground, carefully stepping over a large root, “He didn’t talk about you guys, but he was talking about how he used to think his house was haunted. He even started crying in front of me, crying _blood_ , and then all these cuts-” Billy stopped himself, “I’m pretty sure he’s a ghost.”

“But don’t ghosts haunt one place?” Jane frowned. That was what the books had said.

“Usually. But sometimes, from what I’ve heard, they also haunt objects or large areas.” Billy dug in the pocket of his leather jacket and took something out. It was Steve’s watch but it wasn’t working. The face was broken and the hands were stuck reading 6:17. Billy continued, voice softer, “This was all that was given to me after Steve’s death. I carry it with me all the time, just to have something close. Doesn’t matter that it doesn’t work anymore, it was Steve’s and it’s all I have left of him.”

“You care a lot.” She blinked at him. Billy flushed.

“Yeah, I do. What’s it to you?” He shoved the watch back into his pocket.

“You made him happy.” Jane smiled, “He loved you.” Billy stopped. Jane stopped with him. Billy took several deep breaths. Jane frowned, “Did I say something wrong?”

“...No.” Billy shook his head, “I did love him, I _still_ love him. But you can’t just say that, kid. Two guys, they can’t be together in public. People hate it. They’d hurt me if they knew.” He looked at her, “Please don’t tell anyone, okay?”

“Okay.” she nodded, “I won’t let them hurt you.” Billy’s face cracked a sad smile.

“You can try.” They continued walking. Billy gripped the bat a little firmer, more at ease. Jane smiled again.

* * *

While no demodogs had been found, they trusted Jane’s vision. Hopper would make patrols out every night to see if he could spot them. And with the increasing reports of missing pets or dead deer in the area, it was making them anxious. What was the Mind Flayer getting at? What was it waiting for? It had tried to use the ‘dogs in the tunnels and its last plan had failed miserably. But at least they were able to keep the kids out of the loop this time.

Billy sat on the bed he’d once shared with Steve. He still couldn’t leave his boyfriend’s scent behind, it held too much for him. He knew that staying in this house wasn’t going to do him any good, just like when he lived with his ‘family.’ He’d have to find his own place now and he hadn’t been at work since he’d lost Steve. The holidays were almost over and if he wanted to keep his job, he needed to go back. Billy sighed, stubbing out the cig he’d been smoking on the ashtray that he’d found. He’d been meaning to get a gathering of Steve’s things before his parents did but it was hard for him to look through it all. However, if there was anyone who knew what Steve did and didn’t want saved, he was one of the few. The ashtray was one thing Billy knew for sure Steve didn’t mind getting sold or thrown out. Billy noted to clean it off later before he put it in the box with the rest of the ‘Don’t’s. The ‘Do’ box was sitting beside him and a shoebox was in his lap. **DO NOT OPEN** was scrawled on the top and it had been buried deep in Steve’s closet. Billy was trying to work up the courage to open it and figure out what was inside. Finally deciding he’d waited long enough, he opened it. Inside was a stack of letters. All of the letters were labelled. _Dustin_ , _Robin_ , there were letters to everyone in Steve’s little friend group, including Erica. A sense of foreboding settled over Billy. He sorted through them until he found one addressed to him, right at the bottom. It was sealed, just like the rest, and he briefly wondered what they were for. He shivered as a chill settled over his shoulders. Billy looked around. He couldn’t see anything, but he had a feeling Steve was around. Would the ghost try to stop him? Billy waited a moment. When there was no reaction, he opened the letter and took out the single slip of paper inside. He began to read.

_Dear Billy,_

_If you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I finally did what I wanted to do. I’m free now. I didn’t wanna leave you behind or the others, but it’s too hard. It’s always here, the loneliness. No one cares about me anymore. No one cares if I’m okay or not. I never went to the hospital after the tunnels to get checked out. I was sure I had a concussion but who would care? Nobody. Not even you. We weren’t even together at that point. I’m sorry. I wanted to leave so badly._

_Now you don’t have to worry about me anymore, huh? You don’t have to worry about being found with a boyfriend. You don’t have to worry about me crushing your heart the day I have to break it off because I don’t want you hurting when I die. You don’t have to worry about me anymore because you’re not with me when they drag my name through the mud._

_I was never a perfect person, Billy, and you shouldn’t have cared. No one cared. But I cared about you. That’s why I left this. Please don’t take this in the wrong way. I’ve been going back and forth on this for a long time. I was thinking about it long before I met Nancy. But somehow, someday, I’m going to get pushed over the edge and that’ll be it. I wished it happened before I met you so I didn’t have to worry about what you’d think when it happened. Please know that I love you and this was in the best interest of everyone, if the day ever comes._

_Love, Steve_

The paper fell from his hand. Billy stared at the other letters. All of them were predetermined suicide notes. It was the only explanation. He took a deep breath, trying to control the tears that threatened to spill. He’d cried too much since Steve’s death, but this wasn’t something you could just _not_ have emotions about. Billy knew Steve had been depressed. It was a fact. But to be so depressed that he was willing to write these letters? It made Billy sick. He picked up his letter with shaking hands, hoping to find a date. He found one quickly enough. _June 25, 1985_. These had been written just days before Starcourt. Billy looked at the shoebox, heart twisting. Was it possible that Starcourt saved Steve? Starcourt gave him a fucked up chance at life again? Billy crumpled his letter and stuffed it in the shoebox. This was too much. He ran downstairs to call someone, _anyone_ before he lost his mind over this revelation. Steve had the numbers of his friends written on sticky notes and Billy randomly picked one.

“Hello?” Of course, of all the people he picked, it had to have been Robin. It was better than nothing.

“Hey. It’s Billy.” he said, letting it out as a sigh. He was trying not to cry and his voice wasn’t giving it away, thankfully.

“Yeah, I know what you sound like, you don’t have to tell me.” He could imagine her rolling her eyes, “You okay?”

“No. I was going through some of Steve’s stuff, trying to figure out what to keep and discard-”

“ _You_ were doing that? I thought it would’ve been Dustin.”

“I’ll let him help me later. But I found something in his things.” Billy said, “I just- It’s not a good thing. I needed someone to talk to.”

“How bad?” Robin asked. Her voice was softer. Billy contemplated on telling her the truth. She was one of Steve’s friends, too. He’d been irrationally jealous of her once upon a time, thinking Steve was dating her, only for Steve to say they were friends and sealing his affection for Billy with a kiss.

“It’s bad.” he managed.

“And you called me?” He was glad she didn’t push.

“Yeah.” Billy agreed, “Not like you were my first choice, but it was at random.” Robin huffed.

“I hate how you’ve been excluding me.”

“Excluding you?” He was confused.

“You guys haven’t been telling me anything since Starcourt. Steve was the only one who let me know if things were going on. And now that he’s gone, the only thing I’ve been told about was his funeral.” Billy winced.

“Sorry.” And he meant it. Sure, she hadn’t been involved before, but now she was just as entrenched as he was, “I’ll make sure to call you next time we need you.”

“And what do you mean by that?” Robin’s voice turned cold, “Has something happened that you can’t tell me about?”

“Uh…yeah.” Billy decided not to keep this from her, “Jane thinks that some monsters are still around. We’ve been trying to hunt them down.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, “I was Steve’s friend too. I can help.”

“We didn’t want you getting hurt. You haven’t fought these things-”

“Doesn’t mean I won’t.” Robin persisted, “You, asshole, are now my friend, as much as I hate to say it. We both cared about Steve. And if his friends get hurt when I could’ve done something…” She sighed, “Just call me next time.” The line went dead. As badly as it ended, it had distracted him from the letters. Billy was glad for it. Now he had to deal with them. He trudged back upstairs to grab the box, making sure it was closed so he didn’t think about the letters. It was at that moment that Billy realized the chill never left him. The chill had stayed even as he’d gone to call Robin. Steve hadn’t left him.

“Hey.” Billy spoke, “I bet you hate that I found this, huh? And you went with me to make sure I was okay. Thanks.” He caught the drapes ruffling in the corner of his eye. The window wasn’t opened. Billy was nervous at the action but could only hope it had been Steve’s doing. He moved from Steve’s room to the living room. He put a log on the large fireplace they had there and lit it up with his lighter. It took a few tries before the flame caught and soon the room was warm and full of light. Billy watched the fire dance. He picked up the first letter, the one to himself, and threw it in the fire. After that, he couldn’t stop. He threw the whole box into the flames and watched them lick the paper greedily. He felt cold air brush over his face. He raised a hand and felt tears. He hadn’t even known he was crying. Maybe Steve had tried to brush the tears away.

“You’re an asshole.” said Billy, anger building, “Why did you have these? Why did you never tell me?” The cold touch spread over his shoulders, “Don’t hug me. I’m mad at you.” The cold drew away. Billy closed his eyes and could clearly see Steve’s brown ones giving him the deadly doe-eyed puppy look he’d perfected. Billy cried more.

“Are you happy?” he asked into the silence, “Are you glad now? Does it help you feel better with the fact that you’ve been asking to die?” He got no answer. Not like he expected one.

* * *

When school started again, Billy had to take Max to school. He always waited in the car though, quite certain Neil’s wrath was waiting for him if he ever approached. Max always tried to leave late to prevent that as well, for which Billy was grateful and worried at the same time. Grateful she was keeping him from interacting with Neil and worried that Neil was turning his anger on her, now that Billy was out of the house. Neil knew Billy was still out and about, but he didn’t know where Billy lived. It didn’t reassure him in the slightest bit.

“Hey.” Max greeted after taking her seat. Billy had the Camaro go off before she finished buckling, eyes glancing at the house. He _knew_ Neil was watching, somehow. Growing up in fear gave you a lot of paranoia and many times it was justified.

“Hey.” Billy murmured.

“You okay?” she asked. Billy was pretty sure that she knew _something_ went on in the house, even if she wasn’t sure what. He wasn’t going to tell her if he didn’t have to, though.

“Nothing.” He glanced at her, “Let me guess, you want a ride to the arcade after school then?”

“Maybe, if you’re offering.” She nodded. Billy snorted.

“Didn’t offer, shitbird, but I’ll do it anyway.” He drove in silence. Max, usually the chatterbox, was quiet this morning. It made Billy’s gut churn. He drove into the parking lot and Max made to get out. Just like two years ago, he grabbed her wrist. She turned her eyes on him, the smallest hint of fear hidden there, and he loosened his grip.

“Listen, Max.” Billy began, “If he _ever_ does anything to you, call Hopper or Joyce or me. Get out of there.” He let go before she could do anything.

“Billy?” Her eyes were wide.

“Just want you safe.” he said. He nodded to the door, “Get going before you’re late.” He almost had to push her out before she did anything. She walked to the building with a skateboard under her arm and Billy didn’t leave until he was sure she entered. He lit a cigarette then backed out and headed to Steve’s. He hoped the Party would also keep an eye out for her. She didn’t deserve to go through the same shit he did because he wasn’t there to take it anymore. He sorted through more of Steve’s stuff that day, taking breaks to call anyone when it got too much, and he found himself talking with Nancy again. She didn’t let him leave the phone with a heavy heart, at least, and would distract him by talking about how she and Jonathan were going out of town to find jobs.

“Nobody’ll know us and we’ll have a chance to start over. Maybe I’ll even get a chance to be a reporter.” she said, “What about you?”

“Got a job at the library. Haven’t been back since...” Billy’s voice dropped away. Nancy made an understanding sound.

“How are you feeling?” She tried to steer the conversation away slightly.

“Awful.” Billy played with the phone cord as if he was a high school girl gossiping to her friend, “Going through his stuff.” Billy’s mind flashed back to the letters. He squeezed his eyes shut.

“You’re stronger than I am, then.” she hummed, “Having to sort through your boyfriend’s stuff. We’re friends now and I _know_ I wouldn’t be able to enter his room without breaking down.”

“What?” Billy froze. He hoped he hadn’t heard it correctly, and yet… His shoulders slumped, “When did you figure it out?”

“I’ve known for a while. Knew before I gave you his bat.” Nancy’s voice was softer, “Don’t worry about me, Billy. I’m not gonna say anything. I’ll admit I didn’t like it at first, when I figured it out, but then I saw how happy you made him. How happy he made _you_. You two couldn’t be more different but somehow you fit. I wasn’t gonna damage that.”

“Thanks, Nancy.” It was all he could manage to say, “I- I need to get back to his things.”

“Alright. And if you need to talk again, I’ll be here, okay?”

“Yeah.” Billy nodded, even if she couldn’t see him. They shared goodbyes and he hung up. So many people knew now but for some reason they didn’t hate him. Billy breathed a sigh. Maybe Hawkins wasn’t as homophobic as he thought. He went back to going through Steve’s stuff. It grew late and by the time he realized he was supposed to pick up Max he was thirty minutes late. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel as he pulled up.

“Sorry.” he said as she entered the car.

“It’s okay.” she said, then added, “I didn’t tell Neil I was going to the arcade, so.” He knew what she was getting at. Billy was afraid of this. He put the car in reverse and got out of the parking lot.

“Be careful.” he said, “Neil won’t like this.” Max nodded, “I’ll go and tell him myself.”

“Billy-”

“It’s my fault you’re late. Let me handle it. And if it gets ugly, you _run_. Got it?” He glanced at her, “I’m not taking no for an answer and you’re not gonna risk getting hurt. That’s final.” He watched her nod slowly. Billy’s nerves frayed as they got closer and closer to the house. When they arrived, he went to the door first and knocked. He knew who would answer and flinched regardless when it opened.

“William.” said Neil, hateful eyes staring at his son for the first time in a year.

“Max is home.” Billy managed, “I’m the reason she was late. I forgot to pick her up.”

“I see.” Neil’s eyes landed back on Max, “Go to your room. Your brother and I have something to discuss.” Billy’s blood ran cold. He gave Max a look not to argue. Standing up to Billy and her stepfather were two different things. She entered without complaint. The close of the front door behind Neil sounded like a bell of finality to Billy. He didn’t have to wait long for the first strike.

“I saw your car at the Harringtons.” Neil began, Billy nursing the slap on his cheek, “So that’s where you went. You looked for another faggot. And he took you in like the fag he was.” Neil’s badmouthing of Steve lit a small fire in Billy. He grit his teeth.

“He wasn’t a fag.” He was hit again.

“What was that?” Usually Billy would back down at this point. But Steve was dead and Neil had no right to tarnish his name.

“Steve wasn’t a fag.” Billy was grabbed by the collar of his shirt and slammed against the door.

“So you know his name. Then what was he?” Billy knew he needed to back down, not make the beating worse, but the fire inside him had grown. He had gained some kind of strength that he’d never had before against his father: courage. Billy peeled back his lips and said, “He was my boyfriend.” Neil punched him this time and Billy could taste blood on his lips.

“I bet you fucked him good.” Billy’s lips curled into a nasty smile.

“Actually, he fucked _me_.” He saw Neil’s nostrils flare. Billy hit the floor and lost his breath when Neil kicked him in the ribs. He was sure he would die. He’d pushed things too far this time. But if it made him able to join Steve, then he didn’t mind it.

“You’re nothing but a dirty, goddamned whore, just like you were in California. If your mother could see you now, she’d be so disgusted.” That hurt worse than any kick. Billy snarled and tried to get up. He saw Neil move to kick him again, only to freeze. He was looking at something behind Billy. January was cold but now it felt even colder and Billy _knew_ there could only be one thing standing behind him. Then suddenly his ears began ringing with an ungodly shriek and Neil yelled and ran away, down the street. The shriek didn’t stop until Neil was good and gone and Max was suddenly beside Billy.

“Are you okay?” She was holding onto his biceps, as if she hadn’t heard the shriek. He looked behind him, but there was nothing there. The air had grown a little warmer. Billy’s eyes gathered tears.

“Yeah.” he sniffed, “I’m okay.” It was only a matter of time that Neil would come back. Billy shakily got to his feet and told Max to stay home. He needed to leave. It wasn’t safe for him anymore. Neil knew where he lived and even if Steve came back Billy was sure Neil would find a way to kill him. As soon as he got back he promised he’d start backing his things and anything he thought belonged to Steve.

* * *

The attack came the next day. They’d all been minding their own business when suddenly they were attacked at their places of school and work by the demodogs and in broad _daylight_ no less. They were lucky Billy wasn’t at work and that Robin was also around. Billy caught the Party’s panicked conversation from Steve’s walkie and he rushed to help them, calling Robin beforehand so that she could contact the others and figure out if they were okay. Billy arrived just in time to bash a demodog trying to pounce on one of the kids. Before the bat had felt uncomfortable but now he was swinging it with vigor. These kids were under his protection and he was making sure the monsters knew it. As the ‘dog struggled to recover and others came running around the side of the school, Billy ushered the kids into the Camaro. Max started the car and they took off just before the ‘dogs got to them.

“What the hell is going on?!” exclaimed Mike. Billy stared out the back, trusting Max to drive safely. The ‘dogs stopped chasing them to go off elsewhere. He cursed under his breath.

“Head to the Byers.” he said. That was where they’d all agreed to meet if something happened and it had a stockpile of weapons now. Max nodded and pressed harder on the pedal. Billy tried to settle as much as he could after having jumped into the car and ending up sprawled around the laps of Mike, Dustin, and Will in the backseat.

“Did you know this was gonna happen?” Dustin asked.

“Yes and no.” Will moved into Mike’s lap and that gave Billy enough room to sit, “Jane said she saw demodogs in her vision since New Years. We’ve been trying to track them down before something like this happened.”

“You left us out _again_?” Max exclaimed, giving Jane a look, “That’s rude!”

“Protection.” was all Jane said.

“Just get us to the house, shitbird.” Billy said. He ignored them as they blabbered on about how this wasn’t fair and that they could help. It felt good to hold Steve’s bat. It made him feel like Steve was there with them, ready to protect. Not long after that they got to the Byers House. It was empty and quiet except for the ringing phone. Billy answered and found Robin on the line. Apparently Joyce and Robin were stuck at Melvald’s, Nancy and Jonathan were out-of-town for their jobs and no one knew how to contact them, and Hopper was holed up with the rest of the cops at the police station, demodogs prowling outside and making them unable to leave. It was a simple divide-and-conquer tactic. Billy hated how easily they fell into it. He turned to the Party, who looked very nervous.

“All of you, start finding things for us to board up the windows with. Leave the separate rooms alone for now.” Billy ordered, “We need to last as long as we can. Will, Mike, you two are gonna help me get as many weapons out of the shed as possible.” They kids nodded and got to work. It seemed they understood how serious this was. Will led the way to the shed and which there wasn’t much, there were plenty of tools and even a rifle to use. Will loaded it as Mike put tools into Billy’s arms.

“How do you know how to shoot a gun?” He couldn’t help but ask.

“My dad.” Will said, “Made Jonathan and I learn how to hunt, too. Had to kill a rabbit.” Billy nodded. He wouldn’t ask more. Will carried the gun as he stuffed extra ammo into his pockets and Mike gathered the rest of the tools Billy couldn’t carry. They rushed to the house and Billy propped a chair under the doorknob as soon as his hands were free. It wasn’t enough for certain but it would work for now. The other kids had grabbed planks of wood kept on hand for such an occasion and were nailing them over the windows. Will and Mike continued to help Billy as they raided the rooms for other weapons and furniture. Heavier furniture was moved out if possible to help block off the rooms and soon enough all the rooms and windows were blocked. They were as ready as they could be. Will held the rifle, Billy had Steve’s bat and an extra handgun in his pants, Lucas had a shovel, Mike a lamp, and Dustin had a pitchfork, and Max was armed with an axe. Jane only needed her psychic powers. Billy hoped they would be okay.

“Here’s the game plan.” he began, once everything was covered, “Jane, you’re not gonna use your powers unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“What?!” exclaimed the kids, including Jane. They started to protest, only to be silenced when Billy raised his hand.

“You’re gonna need to save your strength.” he continued, “These things are all over town. If we wanna save everyone, you can’t just take them all out whenever you please. Got it?” She gave him a frustrated look but nodded. She understood. Billy nodded back. They jumped when they heard a crash from one of the other rooms, but their forethought in blocking the door kept anything from coming in. They settled down a little when the demodog left. This repeated several times but their defenses held. They made a shaky setup on the floor, some standing and ready to fight while others sat down for breaks. Billy never sat but he could feel Will sitting close to him. He looked down when there was a small tug on his pants. He met Will’s eyes. They looked unnaturally old for a kid. Will cleared his throat and began to speak softly.

“I was connected too, a year before you. You remember that night you fought Steve? I was under the Mind Flayer’s control and it was about to invade our world. And after that, I would always get these goosebumps on the back of my neck, a little prickle that told me whenever it was up to something. I got the feeling a few times after Starcourt, like this morning. Did you feel it too?” Will asked. Billy rubbed the back of his neck. He hadn’t noticed before, but now that he thought about it, they had crept up on New Years and just before the attacks. He swallowed.

“I think I did.” he admitted. Will gave a sad smile.

“Looks like I’m not the only Mind Flayer Detector anymore.” Billy felt bad that Will knew how it felt but also glad he wasn’t alone in his issues. It grew quiet again after that. He fingered his necklace. He could remember what his mother told him about it, about St. Christopher’s story.

_“He served a man, then the devil, and then Christ. Since he said that he couldn’t serve by fasting and prayer, because of his size and martyr nature, he was instructed to assist Christ by helping people cross a dangerous river. It’s said that he ended up carrying Christ himself. Then he visited Lycia and converted thousands of people. Since he refused to be bribed or bought with riches or women, he was beheaded.”_

Thinking back on it now, Billy felt like it made sense. He’d worn the necklace originally because it had been his mother’s and one of the few things she’d left behind, but now it represented him, too. He’d save these kids no matter what. Not only because it was the right thing to do but because he owed Steve and Steve would’ve wanted the kids safe. Billy tightened his grip on the bat. They all scrambled to their feet when they heard banging on the front door. The two doors were the main weak points and while the back had managed to be covered by the fridge, the front was only blocked by a chair under the knob. Billy gestured to the kids to crowd behind him. He’d take the first hit if it meant they’d be safe. The chair slid out of place as the door continued to shake and then it banged open. The demodogs screeched from the opening but made no move to enter. Billy wondered what they were waiting for. He took a sharp breath when the temperature sharply tanked and his breath fogged out in front of him. To his surprise, the ‘dogs began to whimper and back away slightly. Did they know what was going on?

The lights began to flicker. Then, just as if someone was adjusting a TV’s rabbit ears, something began to take shape before them. It was glowing a soft blue and took on a human shape, standing between Billy and the demodogs. It fizzled into existence as details were added and soon enough it was Steve standing before them, but it _wasn’t_ Steve. Billy couldn’t see his face but he could see cuts littering his hands and his neck was bent at an awkward angle. The ‘dogs whimpered again and then Steve let out the same shriek as when Neil had attacked Billy, charging at the demodogs. The creatures scattered with their own cries of fear back out of the house but Steve managed to grab one of them by an ankle. The carnage was gruesome. With his hands alone he tore off the petals, gutted the dog, and twisted the body until there was an audible _snap_ from the spine. Once that was done Steve dropped the corpse, shrieked again, and ran out after the rest of the ‘dogs. The day was then filled with the pained cries of demodogs and ghostly screams from one very pissed off spirit.

Billy was the first to recover, nudge the demodog’s body outside, and slam the door shut. He was breathing hard. He had no doubt that Steve would win this fight and save them. He’d bet his life on Steve. Always. Being a ghost now didn’t change that. He turned to see the kids frozen and still staring at where Steve had stood. Billy moved over to them and herded them away from the door. He had been shocked by Steve’s appearance himself and had no doubt that the kids were also taking this hard. The first time they’d seen Steve again and not only was he a ghost, he just killed a demodog horribly and _in front of them_. That must’ve been tough to swallow. Billy guided them to the kitchen, further away from the door, and listened as the demodogs’ cries slowly died out until there was only silence. The only reassurance that they were gone was because Steve had also stopped screaming. Billy held his breath, hands on Mike’s and Dustin’s shoulders. They all jumped at the knock on the door, soft but unbearably loud in the tense silence. He gestured for the kids to stay in the kitchen while he went to the door. Beyond it was something that made his heart pound and chest ache. It was definitely Steve, alright. Steve with a broken neck, cuts all over his face and arms, and eyeless sockets crying bloody tears. Steve smiled and Billy saw some blood drip out of the corner.

 _“Hey.”_ he said. He sounded just like Steve but his voice didn’t edge above a whisper. He held up his left hand, as if to wave, but kept it there. On his wrist was a ghostly version of his broken watch. Billy raised his own hand and grasped it. For once it actually felt solid, if very cold. Billy’s eyes welled with tears.

“Hey.” he croaked back. Steve tugged a little and Billy found himself in a cold embrace.

 _“Sorry.”_ Steve murmured in Billy’s ear.

“Don’t be.” Billy said back. He pulled away and saw that Steve’s head was tilted slightly, as if trying to look over Billy’s shoulder in his weird position. Billy stepped aside and let Steve in. Steve made a move to the kids, then stopped. He raised his hands and with a small _crack_ adjusted his head to sit right on his neck. Some flinched while others went white. Lucas was stumbling towards the trash can to let loose whatever breakfast he’d taken in. Steve went no further and instead sat on his haunches, looking at them. Dustin was the first to break and run over to Steve, taking the other into a large hug. Billy’s surprised Steve’s neck doesn’t fall out of place from the force. Dustin’s sobbing too much to say anything and Steve can only coo words of assurance to him.

 _“It’s okay now, I’m here. Shh, Dustin, shh…”_ It goes on like this for a while as the other Party members venture closer, hesitant, cautious, worried, saddened. Billy leaves them alone with Steve and heads outside. He swallowed when he saw all the demodog carcasses strewn about. There had to have been at least a dozen or more out here. In the short time Steve’s been a ghost, Billy had never seen him react like this. The closest he came was when he’d defended Billy just the day before. Billy wondered if, the longer Steve stayed a ghost, the more power he’d gain. He stared down the road, searching for signs of other monsters. Seeing nothing, he swung the bat onto his shoulder and headed inside. The kids were now on their bottoms as they huddled around Steve in silence. All of them had tears to accompany Steve’s bloody ones. They all looked up when Billy entered. Billy joined the little circle and sat across from Steve.

“Before I ask any questions, please tell us what’s going on with you.” he said, “I wanna know why you haven’t shown up until now in a way we can see you.”

 _“I was too weak.”_ said Steve, _“Could barely keep up as it was. Can’t sleep, can’t eat, only watch. At least, until yesterday.”_

“Yesterday? What happened yesterday?” asked Mike.

“Something big.” was all Billy said. He turned back to Steve, “Then why me? Why are you following me?”

 _“You know why.”_ Steve said. He held up his wrist and tapped his watch, _“This too. It keeps me here.”_ Billy tugged it out of his pocket. It matched the ghostly watch exactly. Steve added, _“Destroy that and I can’t stay around.”_

“You _wanna_ stay?” Max exclaimed. Steve turned to her.

_“‘Course I do. Someone’s gotta protect you dipshits.”_

“So wherever this goes, you go?” Billy looked down at the broken face of the watch.

_“Within fifteen feet, yeah.”_

“Thank you.” said Jane, “For everything.” Steve smiled and laid a hand on her shoulder.

 _“Anytime.”_ He turned his head to look at them all, _“But what do you think’s going on?”_

“No idea. You up for some monster hunting in town?” Billy asked, putting the watch back in his pocket. Steve nodded.

 _“They’re hurting the others._ **_I’m not letting my friends get hurt._** _”_ Billy tried not to flinch away from the darker layering that entered Steve’s voice. The kids weren’t as successful. They had to remember that Steve wasn’t human anymore. Preparations were then made. The kids were to stay behind and barricade the door, only to unlock it when they were given the right code. Billy and Steve would go into town and see what they could do to lure away or kill the ‘dogs. The kids surprisingly gave no arguments about wanting to go with them. Billy wondered if they were still in shock. He wouldn’t be surprised. But as it was, he was glad they were following orders for now. Billy then left the house, getting into the Camaro with Steve right behind him. He tossed the bat into the back and didn’t need to look over after he got in to know Steve was already there. He started the car, backed out, then floored it to reach the city. Billy ignored turning on the heater, knowing it wouldn’t work with Steve around. He glanced at the ghost.

“What about that rampage, huh? Never seen you do anything like that.”

 _“I always protect my friends.”_ was all Steve said. Billy glanced over and found Steve’s eyeless sockets turned towards him. He tried not to jerk the car as he flinched in fright. He’d _never_ get used to that. Steve smiled, _“Scared you?”_

“Yeah, a little.”

 _“Sorry.”_ Billy felt the presence of an achingly cold hand resting on his leg, _“For everything.”_

“Don’t be. ‘S not your fault you died.”

 _“Left you all behind, though.”_ Steve’s voice dropped in sadness, _“Couldn’t stick around long enough to see the kids off the college or marry you.”_ Billy’s heart skipped a beat.

“Marry me?” Billy breathed, “Really?”

_“Yeah, really. Love you so much, Billy. Remember when we talked about forever being bullshit? We both didn’t want it to be that way. That’s part of the reason why I stayed. I stayed because I could never leave you.”_

“Steve…” Billy blinked as his eyes gathered with tears. He kept the car steady on the road and Steve’s hand never left his leg. Hesitantly Billy reached down and grasped it. It was still so cold but Billy could imagine the warmth it held regardless, so full of love that Steve couldn’t move on from. Billy sniffed.

_“You okay?”_

“I hate being one of the reasons you didn’t move on.” Billy managed.

_“You weren’t the only reason. Couldn’t leave the kids behind. Someone’s gotta be their guardian angel.”_

“More like a guardian psychotic ghost that’s not even around them most of the time, but whatever.” Billy quipped. He smiled when Steve snorted.

 _“True.”_ The silence continued for a while. As they pulled into town, Billy’s face fell. Steve noticed, _“You okay?”_

“The letters.”

 _“Oh.”_ Steve murmured, _“I’m sorry.”_

“Are you really?”

 _“I am.”_ Steve took a breath, _“Things changed after Starcourt. I found you, for one thing. But I didn’t wanna let go of them, just in case I fell again. I knew I should’ve destroyed them but I have a bad habit of holding onto things that only hurt me.”_ Steve gave a mirthless chuckle, _“I’m so sorry you had to see those. Thanks for destroying them instead of, y’know.”_

“Yeah. No problem.” Their voices stopped altogether as they spotted a group of demodogs crowded around Melvald’s. Billy stopped the car away from them and turned to Steve, “Ready?”

 _“_ ** _Yeah_** _ **.** ” _ Billy didn’t get out of the car. Steve stepped out through the door and headed towards the ‘dogs. As soon as they noticed him they took off. Steve couldn’t move more than fifteen feet from the watch, he said, so it was a good thing they took off. Steve turned and looked at him. Billy climbed out, grabbing the bat, and they went to the store. Billy went in first. It was empty, it seemed, but he knew Joyce and Robin were around here somewhere.

“Hello?” he called. Immediately Robin and Joyce’s heads popped up from behind a shelf in the back. There wasn’t much in the store to arm themselves with but they made do with two keyboards. Billy couldn’t help but smile a little at the display. He knew those two gave no shits about what life threw at them and would fight with tooth and nail with everything they had and what they could get their hands on.

“Billy?!” Robin exclaimed, “How-?”

“You won’t believe who decided to help.” He turned to point Steve out only to notice the ghost had disappeared. Was he too scared to show them what happened to him? “Steve, it’s okay. They’re not gonna hate you.” Billy felt Steve’s touch on his shoulder and he didn’t know it that meant yes or no or if he’d return.

“What-?” Joyce began. But then Steve was fizzling back into existence and smiled shyly at them.

 _“Hey.”_ he said. He stayed behind Billy somewhat, as if afraid they would attack him. Not like they could in the first place. Billy heard the keyboards clatter to the floor as Joyce put a hand to her mouth. Billy didn’t want to see this but he was in the middle of it. The women stepped forward slowly, disbelievingly, and Steve moved further behind Billy.

“Is- is it really you? Dingus?”

 _“Yeah. I’m still your dingus.”_ Steve said. His voice was still so quiet. Billy wondered if he was only ever able to get louder when he went into those shrieking phases. The sound had made a chill race up and down his spine repeatedly, like someone was walking across his grave. He didn’t want to hear the sound again if he could help it.

“They’re not mad at you.” Billy said, “C’mon Steve.” He reached back to take one of Steve’s hands and nudge him forward. To the blond’s surprise Steve followed without resistance until he was standing beside Billy in his full glory. Steve shifted uneasily and tilted his head down, as if it was the only way to avoid looking at them. Maybe it was. Joyce was the first to reach them and she hesitantly touched Steve’s shoulder. Billy saw her eyes widen, as if she thought she wouldn’t be able to touch him. Billy didn’t blame her, he’d been surprised too.

“Where have you been?” Joyce whispered.

 _“Always been here.”_ Steve said weakly, like he hadn’t wanted to answer, _“Couldn’t be seen, but I was here.”_

“And you couldn’t tell us?” Joyce asked.

 _“I tried.”_ Steve turned to Billy, _“I let you know.”_

“How was I supposed to know you were really a ghost?” Billy protested, “I was grieving!”

“Doesn’t matter.” Robin gave a watery smile, “It’s good to see you, Steve.”

 _“Good to see you too, Robin.”_ He stepped past Joyce to share a hug. Steve’s eyes slid closed and Billy felt his chest tighten. He had to turn away.

“Don’t mean to ruin the moment but we’ve gotta get going. We still need to help Hopper and then get back to the kids.” Billy said, “A demodog invasion waits for no one.”

 _“We’ll get Hopper.”_ Steve said, _“Please go help the kids.”_

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” asked Joyce.

“Steve’s the whole reason you guys are free now.” Billy jerked his thumb at the ghost, “For some reason the demodogs flee at the sight of him. So I think we’ll be okay.” They parted ways after that. Billy looked around after getting back in the Camaro. He itched to light up a cigarette but knew it wasn’t the time.

“I don’t see anyone. Don’t you think that’s a little strange? And these things are supposed to hate heat, so why attack in the daytime like this?”

 _“Don’t know.”_ Steve admitted, _“New tactic?”_

“Oh definitely. But that doesn’t answer why there’s no one around.”

 _“Yeah.”_ Billy started the car and drove to the station. There was no point trying to find answers right now. When they arrived, demodogs were crawling all over the cars in front and screeched at them. They ran away as soon as Steve got out, though, and the brunette shot Billy a satisfied grin. Billy got out and Steve was gone again. Billy sighed.

“Let me guess, you don’t want anyone but Hopper freaking out?” he mused. He felt a chill touch his shoulder and took that as a yes. Billy readied the bat and ventured closer to the station. The door was broken and Billy slowly ventured in, afraid of what he’d find. A stray ‘dog crossed his path and it ended with Billy beating its mouth in, so things seemed to be looking up a little. But as he checked the rest of the station it was turning up empty. Had the ‘dogs gotten to everyone? If so, where was all the blood and bodies? Billy felt too uneasy about it. He moved to the cells. Just as he passed the chief’s office he heard the radio on the desk crackle.

“Anyone? Hello?”

“Chief?” Billy answered it.

“Hargrove? That you, kid?”

“Yes sir. Where are you?”

“At the Byers’.” said Hopper. Billy’s eyebrows shot up.

“I thought you were stuck at the station, Chief.”

“I was, but I managed to get out. Where are you?”

“At the station.” Billy glanced around, “Any idea where everyone is? It’s like the town became a ghost town.”

“Not sure myself. I think Flo mentioned some kinda festival but the schools didn’t close for it.”

“Huh.” Billy hadn’t heard of the ‘festival’ that apparently got all the adults out of town, “Look, I’ll head right back. Maybe we can figure out what’s going on.”

“Be careful kid.” Hopper grunted. They ended the connection and Billy dashed outside. Steve was already waiting in the Camaro. Billy knew he’d heard the conversation too.

 _“Do you think the Mind Flayer set up that festival? As a front to attract people to itself?”_ he murmured worriedly.

“Maybe.” Billy grunted, “If it is, we’re in deep shit.” He gunned the car and drove back to the Byers house as fast as possible. He saw Steve grip the door handle and smirked, “Too much for you, Princess?”

_“If I wasn’t already dead your reckless driving would be giving me a heart attack.”_

“Sure it would.” Billy kept his eyes on the road and asked, “Do you ever wanna pass on?”

_“What?”_

“You can’t stay around forever, Steve. Would you feel okay passing on after this?” Steve was quiet.

 _“Maybe one day.”_ he managed, _“Maybe after the Upside Down is gone for good. I don’t want anyone getting hurt, ‘specially not you.”_

“Why not me?”

 _“Because I love you. I loved you so much I wanted to marry you before I died. I still love you so much. I wish that could still happen.”_ Billy thought about it.

“Actually…” He glanced at Steve. When he got a nod he went on, “If you’re willing to leave the kids behind for a while, I think maybe we could go visit Owens and see what he could do for us. We wouldn’t get to have a wedding or anything, but I’m sure he could make something out that gets past the whole ‘men can’t marry each other’ thing. That okay with you?” Billy held a hand out. He was shocked when Steve grabbed it so quickly and forcefully.

 _“Billy… I’d_ die _for that. Again.”_ Steve was smiling, _“Yeah, I think we could leave for a while for that.”_ He threaded their fingers together, _“And as soon as we’re sure the Upside Down is gone for good, I can pass on. Leaving with the knowledge that you loved me enough to do this would make everything so much better.”_

“Thought it would.” Billy gripped Steve’s hand, “I love you so much.”

 _“Love you too.”_ They pulled up to the ramshackle house. They looked at each other, then Steve pulled away and got out. This was more nerve-wracking for Steve than it was for Billy, the blond knew. He’d been dead for so long and had just gotten to see them again. They’d have so many questions. Billy got out and put his arm around Steve, saying, “I’m here for you, sweetheart.” He kissed Steve’s freezing cheek. He tasted blood on his lips from the tears and shivered but didn’t let go. He walked with Steve onto the porch and then into the house.

* * *

Billy shouldn’t have been surprised that the demodogs weren’t just there to cause chaos. El had done a quick scouting mission into her mind and found that there was a large meat puppet similar to the one from Starcourt just outside Hawkins, deep in the woods. It didn’t seem to be doing anything except building strength but they didn’t want to waste any time. Hopper had already called Dr. Owens for government backup and they were supposed to get here in a few days. Billy didn’t know if they would last that long. He knew the others were already making plans to at least stall the new Flayer until the military could arrive. He took a drag on his cigarette.

_“Could I take a hit?”_

“Knock yourself out.” Billy handed it over, his fingers touching Steve’s cold ones. The eyeless sockets slid closed as Steve took a drag, then released it to the side. His head was tilted again at a deadly angle but it seemed keeping his head upright for too long pained him now. They were standing out on the Byers’ porch and the sun had set only minutes ago, leaving them with a darkening sky. Billy wished the sun was still up so he could continue to stare into it. He wanted to burn his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the damage the accident had done to Steve, how it had killed the man he loved.

 _“Is this bothering you?”_ Steve suddenly asked. Billy turned to him and found the sockets staring back.

“What do you mean?”

 _“A lot of things.”_ Steve gestured to himself, _“Start with me. Do I freak you out like this?”_ Steve’s injuries then faded away, his neck righted, and his eyes reappeared, _“Or is this better?”_

“Go back to your other form.” Billy said, “Seeing you so normal makes it hurt worse.”

 _“Okay.”_ Steve went back to his injured form. His cheeks were still stained with tears of blood. That was one of the worst parts to look at but Billy couldn’t tear his eyes away. They seemed to be mesmerizing. Steve spoke again, _“And what about the Meat Flayer?”_

“The what?” Billy glanced up into the sockets out of habit.

 _“The Meat Flayer. The Mind Flayer’s meat puppet.”_ Steve gestured in the air with the hand that held the cigarette, _“That’s what the kids started calling it after Starcourt was over. Gotta admit I agree with them. What else could you call it?”_

“A fucking nightmare.” Billy said. He clenched his fists and reached to snag the cigarette back. It was almost down to the filter. He threw it on the ground and stomped out the flame, only to light up another one.

 _“You’re not answering me.”_ Billy knew that tone of voice. It was the same as he used with the kids. It was also unable to be resisted by anyone else.

“It’s fucking bothering me, alright? My hands are tingling and my chest hurts at the thought of that thing still being out there.” Billy’s eyes gathered tears, “I stopped that thing from hurting Jane, and for what? It came back again. What was the point of stopping it, of almost dying?” Steve’s hand ghosted through Billy’s jacket to grab the hand stuffed in his pocket. Billy unfurled his fist to grab it back.

_“You became a hero. You held it off long enough to save Jane. You fought the Mind Flayer’s control to save a person you didn’t even know.”_

“I knew her. The Mind Flayer gave me so many images of what she could do. I just didn’t know her personally.”

_“But you still helped her.”_

“Anyone else would’ve done that.”

 _“I can assure you they wouldn’t.”_ Steve gave a small shrug, _“Sure, anyone in our group would, but maybe not a lot of other people. They would’ve been more self-preserving. But you weren’t. You were an asshole and you still stood up for her because it was the right thing to do.”_ Steve’s face fell, _“And now that I’ve stuck around you, I can see why you did.”_

“Yeah.” Billy agreed, “Didn’t deserve to die, either. You were right, I was an asshole. I’d led a pretty shitty life and I was forcing what I knew on Max because that’s all I ever knew to do. My bastard father didn’t raise me right and I only knew what to do from him. I didn’t have anyone decent in my life until after what happened.” Billy raised his head, “So maybe you’re right on that too. If I hadn’t survived, I never would have found all of you.” The blond leaned closer, “Especially my Princess.” He kissed Steve around the cigarette still in his mouth, tilting his head slightly to fit better against Steve’s awkward tilt. He’d kissed Steve so much since they’d reunited that the taste of blood was constant on his lips. It was better than the bitter taste that had filled his mouth from the black blood he’d been spitting up after the Meat Flayer had nearly killed him. He hated the fact that the Mind Flayer wasn’t gone but he was glad that he’d gotten a second chance. He’d started over, in a way. Made amends with Max, found new friends, and fell in love with the prettiest boy in all of Hawkins High.

“Where would I be without you?” Billy murmured against Steve’s lips. The brunette raised a hand to cup Billy’s face.

 _“Don’t know, don’t care. All that matters is now.”_ They kissed again. Billy never wanted to stop.

* * *

“You’re leaving?” asked Dustin. Billy nodded.

“Got places to be, kid.” he said, “We’ll be back.”

“ _Both_ of you? Why?”

 _“Don’t worry about it, Dustin.”_ Steve murmured. He had his arm around Dustin’s shoulders while Billy put things into the car. They knew where Owens was and had contacted him for a visit. Much to their own surprise Owens agreed to help them set up the documents and would provide them with the papers when they arrived in California. It seemed like a senseless thing to do but it still held meaning and Billy was glad the doctor recognized that. Billy was also hoping to find an apartment to stay in after the Upside Down stuff was finished. After they had prepared, the group went after the new Meat Flayer. But for some reason, the ‘dogs continued to flee from Steve and so El was able to handle the Meat Flayer herself. These weren’t new tricks but at least not everyone in town had been infected. They’d found the Gate out in the forest, a small one in a tree like the one Nancy had discovered years ago and it didn’t take much to fell the tree and destroy the portal. Billy wondered if that was just what they had to do for the rest of their lives: policing Hawkins to deal with the Upside Down. It would mean Steve would never pass on and Billy hated it, but it just wasn’t something he could control. At least the latest threat was now gone.

“Billy?”

“Yeah?” Billy looked up as he closed the passenger-side door.

“You guys promise to call, right?” Dustin asked, “Every night?”

“Yeah, we will. Promise.” Billy nodded. Everyone knew they were taking a trip out to California even if they didn’t all know why. Billy and Steve had given their goodbyes to Joyce, Hopper, Jonathan, Nancy, and Robin yesterday and the Party were now here to see them off. Billy wasn’t sure where the rest of the brats were, maybe inside the house. It was raining, after all, probably didn’t want to get themselves wet. Billy glanced over and saw the raindrops falling through Steve. His heart ached. He was glad to have Steve back but it wasn’t in the way that it needed to be and he hated it.

 _“We’re not leaving for good, y’know.”_ Steve said, _“Just for a little while.”_

“I know, I know.” Dustin rubbed at his eyes, “I just don’t wanna lose you again.”

 _“You’re not gonna lose me, buddy.”_ Steve hugged the young teen. Billy didn’t mention Steve wanting to pass on after the Upside Down was dealt with. Dustin already had so much to think about now. He moved into the house and called, “Hey, you little shits! We’re about to leave.” Immediately the rest of the Party scrambled to meet him at the door and give their goodbye hugs. They also braved the rain to see Steve one last time and then they were all waiting at the door as Billy and Steve got in the Camaro. They waved goodbye and Billy waved back, sure Steve was doing the same. It was only for a week. Looking over as he drove away, he found Steve missing. Steve tended not to stick around if he could help it. Billy knew the watch was in his pocket and so didn’t have to worry about losing Steve but he still felt a little hurt when Steve disappeared. He drove through Hawkins, hoping to get on the highway and head out, only to find himself stuck in some traffic before a stoplight.

Billy tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and looked out the window. The rain in Hawkins was a special kind of rain to him. It was longer than the brief bouts of rain he’d had in California and more refreshing, even though the cold easily made it dangerous and biting. He wondered if he should let go of the library job. It wasn’t like he was doing much anyway, with all the shit that had gone down in the past month. Billy’s breath fogged up the window. He wouldn’t be sorry to leave this place behind eventually, with or without Steve. Getting an idea, he wrote on the fog just before the light changed. And when he looked back to it while he was driving, he smiled.

_Run away with me?_

**_Any time you want._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Here’s the link for the Spotify playlist:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1yme8r33dbZ6FzdYlsWlv9?si=LMU-zyguTHeWsaE67tki6g


End file.
